- Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com -
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪♪
- Honey. - It's a phase.
- He'll grow out of it. - You know, you say that, but...
Just pretend he isn't there. That's what I do.
Yeah, easy for you to say, 'cause you don't know
where his other paw is right now.
All right, you know what? That's it.
I'm sorry, he's going in the living room.
- You know what's gonna happen. - I don't care.
He's gonna have to get used to it.
Come on, come on. There you go.
All right, enjoy the living room.
Sweetie, it's been going on for almost a week,
and I'm telling you, if I don't get some sleep...
Good luck. [CLEARS THROAT]
[WALTER WHIMPERING]
Sleeping?
Fine, let him in.
[EASYGOING MUSIC]
♪♪
♪ Tell me why ♪
♪ I love you like I do ♪
♪ Tell me who ♪
♪ Can stop my heart as much as you ♪
♪ If we take each other's hands ♪
♪ We can fly into the final frontier ♪
- ♪ I'm mad about you, baby ♪ - ♪ Final frontier ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Final frontier ♪
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
[LIQUID POURING]
You'll be happy to know your dog is now sound asleep.
Yeah, sure, 'cause it's 9:00 in the morning.
At night, not so much.
What about the other one? The two-legged one?
- I think she's awake. - Mm.
Yeah, you know, I'd be awake too
if I just got kicked out of college.
It would just be so nice to know what happened.
When she's ready to talk about it.
- I understand. - I'm not gonna push.
Okay. [CLEARS THROAT]
- Good morning. - Hi, sweetie.
You got kicked out of college?
- Nice. - She seemed ready.
- Sweetie. - Okay.
Do you wanna know what happened?
When you're ready to talk about it.
I think she's pretty ready to talk about it.
- Yes. - Okay.
Do you want NYU's version or mine?
'Causer theirs... it's a little exaggerated, if you ask me.
Whatever... just tell us what happened
and whatever it is, we'll work through it together.
I mean, it's not like you've committed a crime.
- Oh, no. - You committed a crime?
You need the backstory first.
No, I need a sedative first.
Would you just tell us what happened, please?
So my gender studies class...
"Mars and Venus Through The Lens Between Us"...
my professor was making the argument
that true equality can only come from true understanding,
and then he posed a question
as to whether or not true understanding
between the genders is truly possible.
- Of course it is. - Absolutely not.
Exactly. Is gender equality possible?
I say no. So we had to write a paper
based on an experiment of our choosing
to prove or disprove our hypothesis.
Mm, you know how when you stub your toe
it doesn't hurt right away,
but you know the pain is coming?
That's this. What?
Please just tell us what happened.
I... roofied Rishi.
- Good lord. - You what?
- You roofied Rishi? - Our Rishi?
As part of the given assignment, yes.
I slipped a date rape drug into Rishi's drink.
Oh, my God, is he okay?
Of course.
- I mean, he will be, eventually. - Oh, my God.
You know, the thing is that everybody was doing these
dumbass experiments.
I chose a form of sex discrimination
that's been ignored: the date rape culture
and how it's used to control women
with a perpetuation of fear that men don't experience.
Well, that's good. That's very good.
- Yes, but she did... - Was bad.
- Very, very, bad. - Guys, I'm not stupid.
I did the experiment in my dorm room
under controlled conditions,
and I had Rishi sign a consent form.
Wait, if you had Rishi's consent,
why did you get kicked out?
Some antifeminist angry white guy down the hall
narced me out to the RA, who had to report it,
and that was it.
The dean said she had no choice. I was out.
"Out" is not an option.
You have to get back in.
I don't know.
You know, maybe school isn't for me.
Really? Okay, And what's the other option?
- I don't know. - Yeah, okay. Exactly.
So call the dean and tell them
we would like to come in as a family
and talk this over, and we'll get it figured out.
Okay, okay.
- You want some orange juice? - Sure.
No, I'll get it myself. Thank you.
♪♪
Mr. and Mrs. Buchman, if this were just one infraction,
this would be a much different conversation,
but given the impressive list of offenses
committed by your daughter...
"A list"? There's actually a list?
Mabel's been a very busy bee.
The physical altercation with her roommate?
That was a misunderstanding
for which she has totally apologized.
A fire safety violation
for having a lit candle in her dorm room.
Totally my fault.
I packed the candle in her stuff
when we took her to school.
Yeah, so that's more her fault, really.
Dean Warren, I'm completely confident
that Mabel is very remorseful.
Yes, extremely remorseful, I think we could say.
You're awfully quiet
for someone with so much remorse.
- Well, to be honest... - If I may?
Please.
As the subject of Mabel's controlled experiment,
I was totally aware of the limited risks involved.
Thank you, Rishi.
Did you hear that? "Limited".
Thanks, I caught that.
Not only was I more than willing to help her,
I believed wholeheartedly in the point she was making
about gender inequality, and it was my true pleasure
to contribute to her work.
What a guy.
Well, you're certainly a good friend.
Well, I try to be.
So you have no lingering side effects?
None.
Well, actually, on occasion...
and it's happening much less frequently, I...
muffins!
I shout random words,
but it is getting a lot better.
In all candor, this young man's refusal to press charges
is the only reason you're talking to me
instead of law enforcement.
Oh, I don't think there's any reason
to involve law enforcement.
Look, Dean Warren, we can't change the past, right?
So is there anything we can do to... to get our daughter
back into your great, great, and very forgiving school?
I'm afraid the rubber has met the road
as far as your daughter and her time here
at New York University.
So there's nothing that she could say or do
to get herself readmitted?
I'm sorry, but for now,
I think it's best we part company.
Oh, that... that actually wasn't a "no".
No, that was a no.
Oh, and just so we're totally clear: no.
Well, on the bright side,
you guys get all that tuition money back.
Ooh, and also a no.
In the event of expulsion,
tuition and all other fees are forfeited.
Okay, well, so much for the bright side.
Muhammad Ali!
Totally getting better.
♪♪
Taking some time off from school is perfectly acceptable.
I did it. I did it in between college and med school.
Yeah, it was the best thing I ever did.
I went backpacking all through the U.S.,
climbed the Grand Tetons, then made my way into Nebraska,
where, unfortunately, I contracted thrush.
And then I made my way down south
where these... these hoodlums stole my backpack
and I ended up getting arrested for vagrancy,
and then I spent a night in jail in South Car...
you know, I think it's best that she go back to school.
- Okay. - What did I miss?
Uh, thrush, a backpack,
and Mark agrees Mabel should go back to school.
You know what, you guys?
Can we please talk about something
- other than our daughter for one minute? - You're absolutely right.
So I'm listening to this book the other day...
Something our grandparents never said...
"I was listening to a book".
And the reader... the narrator sounds like you exactly.
But I mean exactly.
Leonora prayed the sound of the train
would mask her sobs from any who might hear,
save for the strapping, ebony-skinned man
who suddenly appeared in the empty seat across from her.
Right?
BOTH: "'Is this seat taken?' he asked,
the words falling like dark, sweet honey
on Leonora's ears.
It is you! I knew it!
I know! My wife has a secret talent.
Go ahead, tell them, tell them!
An old friend of mine started an audiobook company.
He called one day and he said, "You should do these.
- You have the perfect voice". - Doesn't she?
Apparently I have the perfect voice.
Sultry, yet not tacky.
Powerful, not overbearing.
Arresting, yet still soothing.
But your name's not on here.
It says "Antonia de Reinas".
"Tonya from Queens".
- [LAUGHS] - I love it.
Play some more. [STAMMERS]
Please, just for me. Just for me.
An electric shock ran through her loins
as she envisioned the forbidden pleasures to come
on that thundering train of love.
Oh, yeah.
Wait a second, you're into erotica?
- Since when? - High school.
Really? Okay. And why?
Are you gonna whisk me away
to your mountain retreat in the Pyrenees
and describe the curve of my neck
and the softness of my shoulders
for two full paragraphs?
- Yeah... - I didn't think so.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
♪♪
[SNIFFS] Okay, what is that...
- I know that smell. - Shh, it's patchouli.
I'm massaging Walter behind the ears
with patchouli oil.
- It's supposed to be calming. - Oh, I love that.
I had a girlfriend in tenth grade...
Melissa Friedman... smelled like that all the time.
- Shh, I think he's sleeping. - Oh, hallelujah.
Just have to be a little creative.
Okay, your very tired husband thanks you profusely.
You're welcome.
Okay, Melissa, you have really let yourself go.
♪♪
I'm sorry.
I... I don't know what else to say, okay?
I'm sorry. I really am.
About everything.
And I'm... I'm really sorry about the money.
It's not about the money.
Yeah, but it's not not about the money.
It's very much not not about the money.
- What? - Don't worry about it.
We appreciate the apologies,
but what you need to be doing right now
is figuring out how you're gonna get back into NYU.
You heard the dean. She said no several times.
Sweetie, you're not gonna get anywhere in life
if you accept every "no" you hear.
You hear "no", you gotta question it.
Push back.
- I don't think I can. - Really?
Because every "no" we ever threw at you
from age three to like an hour ago...
zero problem pushing back against those.
Yeah, you guys are easy.
Well, isn't that delightful?
This is not going to be easy, turning this "no" into a "yes".
Find a real, true argument
for why they should let you back in.
Something you believe in 110%.
Yeah, something that totally comes from you.
Okay.
What should I say?
It can't come from us! That's the whole...
Do you not hear us when we speak?
Start thinking about it.
Okay, so your dog...
- Is he okay out there? - Oh, yes.
Luis is with him. Don't worry.
Your dog is now favorite person in the whole street.
- Everybody love him. - Oh, good.
I hope it's okay, I give him just now
a little bit of ossobuco.
- He loved it. - Well, you know what?
Dogs rarely say no to a piece of veal.
I don't give him whole piece in one time.
I give him little bit, little bit, little bit,
and after last little bit,
I see his eyes start to go closing.
I think this will help him sleep.
I give you some to take home. You try with him tonight.
Oh, thank you. Listen, we'll try anything.
Remember, not all at one time.
Yeah, no, no. Little bit, little bit, Little bit.
- Got it. - Thank you, Lucia.
That's very kind of you.
So, you figure it out?
What?
What you're gonna say to the dean.
God, give me some time.
Hey, welcome to the real world, kid.
You don't always get all the time you need.
Yeah, yeah, I know what the real world is like.
Oh, really? Do you?
I do. What?
What, do you want me to get, like, a job?
What do you mean, "like a job"?
If it's like a job, it's probably a job.
Yes, until you get yourself back into NYU,
I think it's a very good idea.
Okay, fine. I will get a job.
You don't just say "I'll get a job"
and one magically appears.
- That's not how things work. - It takes time to get a job.
It takes effort.
It takes skills to get a job.
What, you need a job? That's so funny.
We were just talking about bringing somebody on.
- You're hired. - Great.
- Hey, 10:00 tomorrow morning. - See you then.
Well, you guys were right.
The real world is so hard.
Mmm.
♪♪
Okay, I don't want to jinx anything,
but Walter's in the living room and I think he's asleep.
He didn't even flinch when I walked past him.
Oh, praise the Lord.
Hurry up, get into bed. Shut the lights.
- Let's hit the hay. - Oh, no, my phone's out there.
No, don't... don't go out there
'cause you're gonna wake him up.
- Well, I'm not gonna... - Seriously, you can live
without your phone for one night.
- I'm begging you. - Shh, fine.
Shh.
Good night.
[SIGHS]
His basketball uniform, damp with sweat,
clung to every muscled inch of his torso
and his round, proud posterior,
and in that moment, to myself, I whispered,
"Game on".
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪♪
Okay, this patient, I'm telling you right now,
can be very distracting.
- How so? - Very nice guy.
Open, easy to talk to,
but he wears very tight biker shorts
at every session.
So he's environmentally conscious.
- How is that bad? - He doesn't own a bike.
Okay, I don't know what this dog's been eating...
Ossobucco.
Yeah, well, he just "ossobucco'd"
- all over the lobby. - Oh, my God.
Your mother tells me you're starting a job today.
Yeah, you'd better get going. Don't be late.
Yeah, I was thinking, Mommy:
what if I start work tomorrow
and today you and I hang out?
Just catch a movie. Get a mani-pedi.
- Have some time to reconnect. - Uh-uh.
- When did I lose you? - At "Mommy".
- Go to work. - Yeah, yeah.
Go be a wonderful, productive part
of the American economy.
Good luck, baby!
I think it'll be good training for you
if you have to deal with a patient
whose issues are a little...
well, hello, handsome boy.
- Wow, he really likes you. - And mama likes you.
What a big, strong, strapping young man you are.
Wow, he really likes you.
[GASPS] Oh, my God.
- What? - It's your voice.
He recognizes your voice.
- Well, I'm here often enough. - No, that voice.
Your "good doggy" voice is just the same
as your "hot sex on the train" voice.
I don't think so, and even if it was,
how would he know that?
Okay, last night I left my phone out here,
and your audiobook was playing.
It put him right to sleep. It was a miracle.
- My nasty romance stories. - Pretty sure, yeah.
Okay, I know you're sleep deprived...
No, no, no, no, you watch.
Little did Rose know
that the young boy she'd not seen since childhood
would become the man who'd break her heart not once...
Do you see? It's your voice.
It is not my voice. It's your bagel.
He smells your bagel.
No, no, no, this is not bagel related.
All right, exhibit B:
notice I am stepping away.
The bagel is completely unprotected,
and yet, he makes no move for it.
Okay, now I'm gonna call him.
Hey, Walter. Come here, buddy.
Not responding to the sound of my voice.
And now...
But a third time,
- which would be Nicholas's crowning blow. - Yeah.
Had she not felt the cruelty in his lips,
the indifference of his cool voice...
- It is your voice. - It's not my voice.
It's your phone. He thinks it's a toy.
It's not the phone, and to prove it,
I'm gonna put the phone down.
And exhibit C: do one of your books.
- Excuse me? - Do one of your naughty, dirty books.
Honey, call me old fashioned,
but I am not performing erotica for your dog.
It does not have to be erotica.
Say anything. Tell him about your morning.
Cover all the mirrors,
because I will not be able to look at myself after this.
This morning, I got up at 7:00...
No, no, no, use the voice.
- I'm better than this. - Just do it.
I made two poached eggs this morning
with two pieces of buttered toast.
Then I checked my mail, and then I...
[LAUGHING]
All right, it's the voice.
All right-y, we open for lunch at 11:30,
so... so the tables should be set by 11:00.
Set by 11:00. Got it.
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
Oh, yeah, you always gotta
check the glasses for water spots.
Lucia sees water spots, she's not gonna be happy.
[LAUGHS] Um, do you mind if I ask a question?
- Do you recycle? - Oh, yeah, of course.
Now, the napkins...
That's great, 'cause it feels like
most people are killing the planet for sport.
Do you have a food waste program?
- Uh... uh, definitely, yeah. - Good.
Good, 'cause composted food scraps
can fertilize a community garden
that gives families access to fresh produce.
You know what, I actually knew that.
[LAUGHS] So, the napkins.
About the menus:
some of your prices seem a little high.
Do you ever consider doing a "pay what you can" thing?
"Pay what who can"?
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
Did she just call me a Communist?
Eh, no. No, no, no, that's Italian.
"Comunista" means "lovely helpful niece."
So, um...
♪♪
I don't want to jinx it,
but I think we're in for a long, restful night.
Look at that. Genius.
It's like a DJ, only furrier.
And you just keep those on, buddy.
It's gonna be you and your friend Tonya all night long.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
It's kinda late.
- You expecting anybody? - Nope, not me.
Ooh, late-night visit's never good.
I'm... I'm gonna stay positive.
I'm gonna say it's the Rockettes
with free tickets for the "Christmas Spectacular".
- Uh, hey. - Okay, not spectacular.
So sorry to bother you guys so late.
- Are... are you sleeping? - No, come in.
- [STAMMERING] - Is everything okay?
How'd it go with Mabel?
Uh, yeah, that's kind of the thing.
Oh-ho-ho. What is she, fired?
[LAUGHS]
Yeah, actually.
- Oh, boy, what happened? - You're kidding.
- Uh, come sit. - Oh, boy.
Uh, okay, Paulie, James,
y-you know I love Mabel.
- We both do. - Love her.
Like she is my own kid.
Like our own child, which we don't have.
- Yeah, she's so smart. - So smart.
- Such a good heart. - Big beautiful heart,
Eh, but as an employee...
The most worst employee.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
- Yeah, not a good employee. - Okay.
We're so sorry. How was she not good?
Like, what did she do?
"What did she do?"
Well, I... I don't want to give you the full list.
- Oh, another list. - [STAMMERS]
During her first break,
she tried to unionize the staff.
She... she called my meat guy a murderer.
Not to mention we had six lobsters.
She had the busboy take them down to the East River
to set them free.
We're so sorry.
How did she take it when you let her go?
Uh, I'm glad you asked.
Uh, could you tell her?
Better, I think, to come from you.
You are her parents.
You she already no like so much.
- [SIGHS] - Uh, sure.
- BOTH: Okay. - Ira, Lucia, what's going on?
- Is everything okay? - Mabel.
Uh, you know I love you.
I love you so much.
Yeah, okay, okay. She gets it, she gets it.
Yeah, good night. Good night, everybody.
Okay, thanks, guys.
- [DOOR CLOSES] - I'm fired, aren't I?
Well, you're not not fired.
Oh, well. Doesn't matter.
Uh, actually, it does. It matters.
I strongly suggest you make a plan for the dean.
Mom, Dad, calm down.
It is totally figured out.
- What is figured out? - The plan.
Tomorrow morning, I am pushing back
against the dean's "no" with an amazing argument.
And the best thing?
It's totally coming from me.
- Oh, Lord. - Okay, that's not good at all.
♪♪
So let me understand this:
you want to construct an entire course of study
based on the premise
that this country's higher education system,
including this university
which you are attempting to get back into,
is antiquated, ineffective, and useless.
Pretty much.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but go on.
No disrespect,
but institutional learning?
Dead.
All you read about these days
is college degrees having little or no value
and how the pursuit of said degrees
plunges young people into crippling debt
for years and years.
And I admit, I'm a rule-breaker,
but this is a very important time for rule-breakers.
Responsible ones who ask questions
and push back
and challenge an out-of-touch educational system
that doesn't see how out-of-touch it truly is.
Ms. Buchman,
do not make regret what I am about to say...
but welcome back.
- Thank you. - The Treaty of Versailles!
Justin Timberlake!
I think I'm just excited.
- [LAUGHS] - Yeah.
♪♪
"We sat across from each other at the table,
the distance between our chairs
feeling like a vast divide
we could not resist crossing".
"We were hungry for the meal
that only we could supply to each other in private.
We could wait no longer.
Our hands flew out to each other,
clutching hair, clothing,
and our warm, wanting bodies".
I'm good.
♪♪
- Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com -